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Why God Hates You

2007-01-26 @ 11:23

Seems that it’s the season to be tagged. Here’s a wierd that has just come my way: List five reasons why God might be tempted to hate you. Doesn’t have to be sacrilegious (although it can); and no going for the easy stuff (because I don’t believe in It/Her/Him, I don’t go to church, I use Its/Her/His name in vain, I never pray, etc.). It can be a way to profess beliefs or admit dirty secrets. Make it fun, or deep, or both. Also, got to tag three other bloggers…

So here goes…

  1. I have long hair. And as St Paul said, men have to have short hair, women long (and women shouldn’t teach men). This, by the way, is the same Paul who’s quoted when people say that the Bible is against homosexuality (him and the guy who would give his daughters to be gang-raped to protect two strangers). Maybe that has to do with me looking better than Him.
  2. I am, at least according to my best friend and ex-roommate, the Devil.
  3. There’s only one commandment I have never broken (I leave you to guess which).
  4. I caused at least one divorce (then again, they hadn’t got married in Church) and marriages I’m official witness to only have a 1/3 survival rate.
  5. I’m not a Cylon.

As for the three tags, I’ll leave L>T off the hook and go for Jenn, Mr. Pregunto and IbaDaiRon.

9 comments to “Why God Hates You”

  1. Hey! I want to do this one! It’s up my alley. & when the Christians get mad at me I can blame you. :)

  2. Go ahead :)

  3. Et chac fois quand je rencontre Le Bon Dieu,
    je Lui dit, “O Mon Dieu, bonjour, bonjour!”
    Et toujours Il me dit bonjour aussi.
    Et puis, “Allez-vous faire ***** à l’Enfer!”

    (Ceci n’est pas un poème!)

  4. Hey, how do you say “I’ve been tagged!” in French?

  5. […] A big mercy bow coo-coo-ke-choo to Mark, for tagging me with this…. […]

  6. (Never mind about my question; found it on your French blog: j’ai été tagué!)

  7. 1. I wear clothes made from more than two types of material (contrary to Leviticus 19:19).
    2. I have sung along to songs featuring lyrics such as “I don’t believe in Heaven” and “Heaven is a place on earth”. Anyone who sings along to The Levellers and Belinda Carlisle is bound for the City of Dis, I’m sure.
    3. I haven’t eaten eagles, vultures or ospreys, but I would given the chance (contrary to Leviticus 11:13).
    4. I once paid the man who came to fix my boiler in arrears (contrary to Leviticus 19:13), although he was a cowboy and should have counted himself lucky to be paid at all.
    5. Not to harp on about Leviticus or anything, but Lev 19:17 says I should not hate my fellow countryman with my heart, and I feel pretty strongly about Robert Kilroy-Silk.

  8. Good ones PN.

    #1, nice to see that fashion crimes have a long history…

    About #3, my brother knew a guy who used to work as night watchman for a zoological facility. What people didn’t know was that he sometimes would eat rare (as in hard to find, I think he cooked them, but I could be wrong) birds. He got caught after he tried to grab a vulture and ended with a long gash on he thigh from the bird’s beak.

  9. God doesn’t hate me. She’s just watching me struggle and dig myself ever deeper holes as I try to understand (read: control/contain this life). She mostly laughs uproariously and finds moments to pat me patronizingly on the head or to kick me when I least expect it.

What do you think?